Friday, December 19, 2008

Resolution

"Anger always comes from frustrated expectations." ~ Elliott Larson

Written on Dec.19th, 2008, but not posted until Feb.16th, 2009

This was originally just a brainstorming draft that I planned to pull from and write a more congealed post, but I though it would take away from the experience. Here's the original post unedited.

My body is my temple!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandad and being ill due to diabetes...... no sympathy, b/c he's chosen to ignore his disease and it's his own doing.

Sharon and being tired..... no sympathy, b/c she's chosen to overwork herself and it's her own doing.

Just two examples in one day. Both people are suffering b/c they have made a conscious choice to ignore the logical path to wellness and are therefore suffering the consequences.

I sit here and pass judgment on them without sympathy, and yet I've done no different to myself for as long as I can remember. Is this how others view me? Am I just some fat, unhealthy guy that doesn't deserve sympathy b/c I've chosen to eat poorly and to excess..... and it is my own doing? Have I also made the conscious choice to ignore the logical path to wellness & am therefore suffering the consequences? Have I been making this conscious choice for all these years?

The weight of this realization is overwhelming and is almost to much to bear. I'm utterly ashamed of myself, both for lacking the sympathy and understanding of two people I truly love and care for; two people who love me and would do anything for me.

What kind of selfish individual am I to think such things. How have I sank so low to come to such uncaring, and unloving thoughts, and even worse stating those thoughts out loud.

Why should anyone care about me, when I have such wanton disregard for others?

What makes me ill most of all, is that even the realization of this might not even be enough to make the changes that I need to make. What kind of person does that make me? Do I even deserve to change?

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