Monday, September 21, 2009

Overwhelmed - Part Deux

"Sound character provides the power with which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead ob being overwhelmed by them. Failure is... the highway to success." ~ Og Mandino

I'm not quite sure what Oggy considered to be "emergencies of life" but I think I'm entering a state of emergency that is almost unquantifiable in nature. Success or failure are concepts that I don't even think can be applied to my life at the moment. The only factor that remains to be significant at the moment is survival, and right now that aspect feels unachievable at the best of times.

Here's a really.... really brief run down over the last few weeks:

My Father
- after being diagnosed with emphysema (about a month ago) went in for a biopsy... a procedure that was supposed to be an in-evasive in/out ordeal.
- his procedure turned out to be very evasive. He had severe drug interactions at the hospital and was held for over a week.
- he's now in incredible pain, is barely mobile and recovery time is 7-13 weeks.
- impatient, intolerant, quick to anger, defensive, emotional roller coaster.

My Mother
- her lupus flared up, her back pain went through the roof and she developed severe flu like symptoms.
- she was rushed to the hospital, and after tons of test was diagnosed to have a staff infection in her spine.
- she spent 6 weeks in hospital and was released about a week ago.
- since her release, she's in incredible pain, almost immobile, and keep food/water down or in.... I'm trying not to get gross.
- I had her taken back to the hospital today for more tests, to be hydrated.... but they sent her home again by the end of the day. Apparently she's in too great of a risk being at the hospital due to her illness and current infection.... there's too many people at the hospital that could make her already bad infection even worse.

Brother
- is in the middle of a separation from his wife of 10yrs.
- has been diligently trying to juggle his new job, taking care of both parents and the above mess.

Myself
- I've only been home to see Sherri 3 times over the last year.
- My roommates were returning to Newfoundland, so I was in the process of moving to a new apartment.... that was until my new roommates back out on me.
- between missing Sherri beyond belief, having 2 ailing parents and an exhausted sibling, and no place to live I decided to pack my stuff up and make the 4000 km drive to Ontario to help out.
- I'm hoping to gets things somewhat back to normal here before making the remaining 3500 km trek back to Newfoundland.

Additional Notes:
- Sept. 19th was my birthday..... which I worked O/T on and it sucked.
- I'm completely emotionally drained.
- my brother and I came very close to beating the crap out of each other today.... emotions are extremely high and my parents place, although perfect for them, was never designed for four adults...... and my brothers 2 kids who stayed over for the night.

Originally I started writing this post the day after finishing my last post. I had a decent week and I ate well at work with the exception of one shift where I left my lunch by the front door of my apartment and was forced to dine from the vending machine, as 16hrs away from home, without food is not an option.

The days following the start of that post probably wiped out my week of progress. The news from home, and the loss of the apartment was just too much for my fragile will power to cope with. My inability to cope lead to a lot of binging and inner turmoil until I had a heart to heart with Sherri, and later my boss, which lead to the decision to quit my job & return home.

I realize that I keep using the word "home" in 2 different contexts, which I guess i should explain. My original home, the home of my family is here in Ontario. The place I consider my true home now is Newfoundland, and more importantly with Sherri.

I had a lot of things that I hoped to discuss in this post, but with everything that's been going on I think I'll leave them for a later date, when things are a bit less hectic and when I'm able to think a little more clearly.

I had typed a few point for notes that I was going to discuss and although I'm leaving that for another day, I'm going to leave them here for future reference...... these are only half completed thoughts or ideas, so some will only make sense to me.

- Observation about 12 step programs, Food addiction, eating disorder, binging, tweak, never ending process, now week.... and day.... ,working on wordpress.

Thanks for letting me rant and for taking the time to read this mess of a post.

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